The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
