At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
