you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
