I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
