do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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