smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
