My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
