dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
