I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
