Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I need a beard to bite.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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