When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
