I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
