I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
