I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
