you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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