I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
