God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
