Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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