i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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