oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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