they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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