i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
