the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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