and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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