So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
