I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
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