just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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