Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
