Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
