when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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