She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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