3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
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