yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
