He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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