You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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