Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
