called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
