How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
