Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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