Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
