i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
