ya dads aren't the best wingmen
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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