Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
