I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
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The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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