Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize