Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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