I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My pussy is not your playground.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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