she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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