so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
