There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
