You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
