My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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