On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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