I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
