I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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