The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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