Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
