do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
