i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
