You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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