just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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