for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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