Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
