ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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