Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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