you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
