Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
