I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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