i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
